Yo dont text me then not text me
I just gift wrapped bread.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
