hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
