The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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