This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
