So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
