Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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