Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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