she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
