i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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