Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
