Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
worst night to have a conscience
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
