ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
