She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
