in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Holy sore nipples Batman
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize