on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
