Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
