Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Randomize
