It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
