That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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