Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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