Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
