I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just found puke in my bra..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
