P.S. I can't hear my feet
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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