So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
