I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize