I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
