So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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