Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
