Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
