I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
