You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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