Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
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I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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