i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
