I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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