i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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