Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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