we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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