Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
