the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
3pm strippers are depressing
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
