Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
