i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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