People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
