did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
