I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
