I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
