there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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