You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
