Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
