Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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