Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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