I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
