Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dicks are not precious.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
