I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
now i know why i became what i already was.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
