just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
