I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
