I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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