No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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