How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
