hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
