So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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