well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
