I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Sober January is a disaster.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.