the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize