my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry