Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?

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  (312): How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick? http://tfl.nu/oq47
  Replies (6) Good night (617) Bad night (1614)
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  (310): View more from California

  i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret

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  (310): i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret http://tfl.nu/lkw1
  Replies (3) Good night (616) Bad night (1523)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".

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  (914): I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit". http://tfl.nu/lyvs
  Replies (19) Good night (7023) Bad night (762)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick

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  (401): he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick http://tfl.nu/778x
  Replies (69) Good night (14579) Bad night (3820)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.

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  (513): I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me. http://tfl.nu/k06t
  Replies (47) Good night (9797) Bad night (2110)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.

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  (404): You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised. http://tfl.nu/0upx
  Replies (2) Good night (2173) Bad night (1060)
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  (925): View more from California

  We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor

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  (925): We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor http://tfl.nu/cj2b
  Replies (8) Good night (2342) Bad night (1310)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.

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  (+44): Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea. http://tfl.nu/w3ht
  Replies (6) Good night (2841) Bad night (818)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party

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  (613): Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party http://tfl.nu/4m7c
  Replies (4) Good night (1189) Bad night (487)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass

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  (541): Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass http://tfl.nu/kkwh
  Replies (1) Good night (1035) Bad night (247)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink

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  (705): how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink http://tfl.nu/hb4c
  Replies (3) Good night (1035) Bad night (323)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I was convinced to buy a man thong.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  But it's Armani so it's okay.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  God I just out gayed myself.

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  (614): I was convinced to buy a man thong. (614): But it's Armani so it's okay. (614): God I just out gayed myself. http://tfl.nu/dlfj
  Replies (5) Good night (1080) Bad night (701)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.

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  (208): Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up. http://tfl.nu/qoxa
  Replies (9) Good night (499) Bad night (1060)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed

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  (843): yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed http://tfl.nu/7mxw
  Replies (5) Good night (280) Bad night (471)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.

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  (312): At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific. http://tfl.nu/evej
  Replies (1) Good night (449) Bad night (223)

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