Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????