I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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