bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
