the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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