If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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