this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
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He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
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SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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