i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
