just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
